Saturday, February 07, 2009

Playing Possum!!!

So, we figure the conversation might have gone something like this:

As Harold the possum rushes into his house out of breath, covered with dirt, hair all out of place and his eyes bugging out, he manages to squeeze out a squeaky:

“…you’re never gonna believe this…”
when he notices that his Mother and Father and siblings are all sitting quietly around the table waiting for dinner to be served. His mother looks at him sternly and says:

Mom O’possum: Harold, you’re late for dinner AGAIN, what AM I going to do with you?

Harold (still out of breath): but, but, but MOM, DAD, GUYS, you won’t believe…

Dad O’possum: Son, How many times have I warned you about being late for dinner?

Harold (bursting at the seams): SERIOUSLY, you’re never going to believe what just happened!!

Mom O’possum: OK, Harold, hurry up. Dinner’s getting cold. Tell us what POSSIBLY could have been important enough to make you late for supper. And wipe that dirt, and …is that dog food… off your face. And slick your hair down, you look a mess.

Harold (speaking a mile a minute): Well, see… I was on my way home and I came across this pile of dog food that someone had just thrown out and I thought that I’d bring a bunch of it home for dinner. So I stopped to fill my pockets, and I was just minding my own business when out of nowhere, this giant monster came running at me. My first thought was HOLY SH…

(at the same time)
Dad O’possum: Son, watch your mouth…
Mom O’possum: Harold Norman O’possum…!!!

Harold: … but guys, it was as big as a horse, I mean a house, yea, it was as big as a house and it was coming straight for me and it was growling and snapping it’s awful fangs and the horns, oh the horns were horrible, and I just knew I was going to be torn to tiny shreds and die. But Dad, remember how you told me to never run, and that if I just played like I was dead, then I’d be OK?

Dad O’possum (under his breath): I was talking about Bullies son, not monsters…

Harold:… WELL IT WORKED!!! I put all my training into use and when he hit me, I just went limp and laid there. The Monster stood over me growling and snapping, and drooling , and then … get this… and then… as I glanced out from under my eyelids, his MASTERS came up and they were talking about how the Monster killed me and, and then the Big one Kicked me!! But I didn’t cave, I just laid there and held my breath and finally, they moved on. I waited just a little longer, lifted my head to make sure no one was around and then I came home as fast as I could. I’m telling you, THAT was a close one!! It’s a wonder I’m even here.

Mom O’possum: (sigh) eat your soup Harold…

Here’s what really happened:

We were out for our evening stroll with Jiro. As we rounded the corner of the house, I saw Jiro take off like a streak of lightning and like a linebacker, hit something furry in the yard. The furry thing rolled and I yelled at Jiro to “LEAVE IT”, which he finally did after a few more sniffs. As I got closer, I realized that the furry thing was a possum and it was lying there as limp and still as a dishrag. By that time Roger had walked up and we stood over the dead possum. Roger figured that it must have been hit by a car and just happened to make it to the yard before it died. I said, "No, I had actually seen Jiro “roll” it, so if it was dead, it hadn’t been that way long". Roger nudged it with his foot and said, "see… it’s dea… no, wait, I just saw a lip move". We both walked a little ways away and turned to watch. Sure enough, the little guy, lifted his head, looked around, got up, shook himself off and waddled away. I had never actually seen a possum “playing possum” before. It was totally cool!!! Poor guy!! Even funnier was the look of total confusion when Jiro came back to check on his “kill” and it was gone!! Oh the joys of living in the South!!

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