Wednesday, October 29, 2008

UNCLE..., I GIVE..., SHE WON...

I've been holding this post for a couple weeks now, and I've read and re-read and re-re-read just to be sure that it said what I was feeling. I was going to post it this week anyway, but a couple days ago, I got some news that has really cleared up a lot of confusion as to "what" happened. I'm still confused as to "why" it had to happened, but I may never know the answer to that one. Suffice it to say that my feelings remain the same and I wish with everything I have that someday she understands!


I finally figured out some of what's been happening for the last year, with Ms. H. We've been playing a long and tiring game of "H Wins". And she has!! Won, that is. I still have no idea how it came to be, or what actually happened to start it. We're (R and I), as far as I can tell, still the same as we ever were, but something happened and it changed the way she feels, and she changed. And because of the confusion, feelings started getting hurt, and the games began, but I can't/won't do it any more. I can't stomach the thoughts of one more day of playing the games, of being reduced to being the one to prove my long held theory that you never get out of 6th grade. I hate that I've been a part of: "Who called last?" "Who can wait the longest to pick up the phone?" "Let's see if I can leave a message so that the ball will be in her court." "I called and you don't have anything to say, but at least I tried!" stupid, childish games and I should know better...

Yeah, I lost. I admit it. I played the game and I Hate myself for it. BUT NOW I quit, I forfeit, I'm done!! I lost, and it hurts about as much as anything I've ever had to endure. I lost a friend, I lost a relationship that had come to mean so very much to me & that I thought was reciprocated. I lost the nearest thing I've ever had or probably will have to being a daughter. I've lost the anticipation of nightly phone calls, "just so she can sleep". I've lost the excitement of getting to hear the smallest details of her day and the fun of sharing the details of mine. I've lost the pride of introducing her as my "almost, kinda sorta daughter" and I've lost the fun of telling people about her acomplishments and the plans for her future. I've lost the joy of sharing her with my family and friends and watching them pull her in and surround her with love because she's "mine". I've lost the opportunity to share my ideals, value's and dreams with someone who might find something they can use in their own lives. I've lost the chance to continue trying to make her understand what an amazing person she already is, and the person she has the potential to become if she'd only just find some self confidence, and be true to the person she has been in the past. I've lost all this due to some mysterious and unknown "ghost" that I can't do anything about.

The one thing I haven't lost is HOPE!! I HOPE she continues to WIN!! I HOPE she becomes a bright shining star in the world of tomorrow! I HOPE that she finds what she's looking for in life, EVERYTHING she's looking for. I HOPE that she finds peace and joy in the things she does. I HOPE she will be careful to surround herself with people who are good and kind and honest and GODLY and who will respect her as she deserves and not use her for their own gain. I HOPE she finds TRUE LOVE someday and that she gets to experience the joys of marriage and a life spent with someone who becomes the other half of her whole. I HOPE she knows that she always has a home to come to. And I HOPE she'll never be afraid to come home if she needs to. I HOPE that someday our relationship can be, if not the same as it was, then reborn into something better. I HOPE with all my HEART that someday she will look back and know in her soul that she has been truly loved and cared for by at least two people who have very little in the way of material things to give, but who want nothing FROM her, and wish nothing but the best FOR her. AND I HOPE AND PRAY that GOD will watch over her and guide her and keep her safe for the rest of her life.

I will not give up this HOPE. I will continue to try to stay in touch and keep up with her and always let her know that I'm out here if she needs me. And I will continue to pray!! But I WILL NOT continue to play the game.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Dear Knoxville,

So sorry 'bout the
T-eam!!
But seriously what can you expect?
though it brings you all to tears,
they're not really even athletes,
Just a bunch of Volunteers!!!!!
WAAA HAAA HA!!!
Love ya'll !!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Another year in the life of a TOSA

Just being a Tosa


"Helping" with the Yard work


A bit "BATTY" at Halloween

At least HE'S easy to shop for for Christmas!!

Only "Bubby" could explain the full importance of having the "Blankey" in your mouth.

Life's just DUCKY except for the Ducky!!

Payment is expected BEFORE services rendered...

I went to my annual GYN appointment the other day & I have to say it was one of the first times EVER that I didn’t dread it. Look forward to it?, not so much, but at least this year I didn’t offer to trade places with the guy who drives the gut truck @ the chicken plant.

No, I didn’t dread it because I’ve got the best Gynecologist EVER!! I truly love her. If you’re ever around the North Alabama area and have the urge to get a check-up, she’s the ONLY one to go to. Wait, you can’t just go on an urge, she’s booked through Oct 2009. She’s THAT good!!

Oh, and KUDOS to her great staff members, from the front office who watch out for her so well, and to her nurses who immediately put the patients @ ease w/their kindness & professionalism.

HOWEVER… (oh, com’on, you knew it was coming…)

One of the new office policies had my blood pressure up and me stressing. Here’s what happened:

1:12pm (or so) I walked in to the office for my 1:30 appointment, signed in, and sat down
1:14pm the Receptionist calls me up gives me a clipboard and says they need updated records and a copy of my insurance card. I sat down to complete the forms
1:15pm returned the clip board along w/insurance card and sat back down
1:17pm I was already getting tired of the "stand up/sit down routine, but have come to expect it to some extent, when the Receptionist calls me up to give back my card and tells me that I need to go back and pay my co pay and then return to my seat to wait for the
nurse to call me back. . .

Me: PAY MY CO-PAY?, but I haven’t even seen the doctor… Why do I need to pay it now?
Her: That’s the new policy that was put in place back in January.
Me: BUT WHY?
Her: Well because we’ve had so many people that just walk out without paying after they’ve seen the Dr.
Me: I think if you’ll look at my records, you’ll find that I’ve NEVER done that.
Her: Well, so many people do.
Me: Why do I need to pay for something that someone else has done?
Her: That’s the new policy that was implemented in January.
Me: So what happens if I don’t get to see the Doctor today?
Her: We’ll give your check back to you.
Me: Well, how ‘bout if I just show you that I’ve written it and then I’ll give it to you AFTER I’ve seen the doctor?

I just got THE look and so I reluctantly handed them my check and went back out to the waiting room to fume. And when they took me back, my blood pressure was up. MY blood pressure is NEVER high. That fact alone was enough to make me mad.

Soap Box, PLEASE:

I am soooo tired of suffering the consequences for the things that our “beloved”, indigents, low-life’s, and generally unethical people are willing to do. I understand that MY Dr. deserves to be paid for the services she provides. In fact MY Dr. deserves it more than some just because she does such a good job and is willing to publicly give credit to God for her success. And I PROMISE THAT I WILL PAY EVERYTHING I OWE (if for some reason, I'm not able to pay, I will either not go to my appointment, or make arrangements with them BEFORE keeping an appointment) and I might even take her donuts someday as a bonus. But I shouldn’t have to meekly go along with a “policy” that was implemented just because someone else won’t live up to their responsibilities.

That being said, someone once told me NEVER to issue a complaint or criticism without also having a solution to offer, so here it is. Actually I have two of them, how’s that for a deal?

1. in this technological day and age, we use computers for everything including patient records, and scheduling appointments. The office staff knows my birthdate, my address, phone numbers and social security number. Somewhere in their system they keep up with my billing information too. They even send out reminder cards to let me know that my appointment date is coming up. How hard would it be to add a marker to those records that allows them to FLAG the persons who have walked out without paying their co-pay? Then put a system in place that says after ONE offense, THEY have to pay their co-pay up front or not see the Dr. I think one lost co-pay per patient would be well worth the GOOD WILL and peace of mind of the rest of the patients. (Remember there ARE some of us, probably the majority, who always pay what they owe so the actual loss would not be that great)

2. my other suggestion is also technological in nature. Why not use a buzzer system? A doctor’s office keeps medications and equipment and records that are highly sensitive and need to be well protected, so it would make sense that a person would have to be “buzzed” back from the waiting room to the exam rooms. The same thing could be easily explained when leaving the exam rooms to exit the office. I was in a store one time that had that exact set up. And the buzzer was remote so that the owner of the store could wear it on his belt. All he had to do was push a button to allow the entry of someone into his store, and then when the transaction was completed, he pushed the button to let them out. This was a good way to control not only who came in, but also to give him some control as to who left. In the case of the Dr’s office, a person who didn’t pay their co-pay when they left could be detained. And since they would know the system ahead of time, they would probably be less likely to allow themselves to be “buzzed” back if they intended to try to leave without paying. The rest of us (the ones who always pay our bills, again, I think we’re probably the majority) would feel safer knowing that there was a system in place to keep criminals from being able to steal the above mentioned medications, equipment and records, and we wouldn’t feel like we were automatically under suspicion when we walk into the office. Again, creating a sense of Peace and Good Will.

Not only would this keep people’s Blood Pressure at normal levels, BEST OF ALL, My awesome Doctor wouldn’t have to hear me gripe about the un-fairness of it all. Instead she could just concentrate on the pleasant-ness that is a gynecological exam.

… and that’s all I’ve got to say ‘bout that!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Do you want your change dollars or SENSE?

Here's an email I received today. I have seen it before, chuckled and just deleted it, but today it hit me a little differently. In this day when the word "CHANGE" is being thrown about so casually, I thought this was a good example of how some change IS good, but some things need to be left alone. E
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO ACTUALLY SURVIVED THE
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?Because we were always outside playing...that's why!We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.No certificates for just “being there” Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And that was before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.


Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wishing on stars

Nearly EVERY time I look at the stars filling the night sky, I think of a woman that I never met. Because of something that happened several years ago, I am unable to look at the stars without thinking of Lydia. Lydia was a woman who died of cancer a few years ago. I never met her, but she was extremely important to a young girl who is extremely important to me. It was because of Lydia that I got to watch that young girl do some extraordinary things that showed what an amazing person that young girl was. The girl is Ms. H. H has a heart the size of Canada, and has a special gift with children so naturally as soon as she was old enough, she started babysitting for the people in her neighborhood, and Lydia was the mother of some of those children. I know very little about the family, or much about the "back story", I think there were two children but it makes very little difference here. What does make the difference is that Lydia had cancer, and was facing the fact that she would not get to see her children grow up. H was so touched by the family that she just couldn't sit back and do nothing. So she organized a project that involved raising enough funds to buy airplane tickets and motel costs and entry fees to send that little family to Disney World so that they could spend some precious TIME together make some memories for those children to have of their mother after she was gone. She even made a great scrapbook of the event with Lydia before she died. Needless to say, when Lydia died, H was devastated. But, evidently at one point in time, Lydia had told her that she (H) wasn't alone and that she'd always be looking down and watching. All H needed to do was look for the brightest star in the sky. As cliche as it sounds, it was a lot of consolation for H. I always felt a connection with Lydia because she seemed to understand as I did that H needed to know she was a special person was I always thankful that Lydia made sure that H knew she wouldn't be alone.

(It's funny how something said in passing can have a lasting affect on a person's life.) Ever since H told me that story, I can't help but think of Lydia. And lately I've been wondering what Lydia thinks of the way things are going now. I wonder if she hurts as bad as I do for H when she sees her turning away from people who love her, and I wonder if she wants as badly as I do to help H along her way and steer her away from some of the stuff I see her gravitating towards, and I wonder if she misses the sweet, innocent, selfless, giving child that H used to be as much as I do?
I'm hoping that when Lydia looks down she's been privileged with the knowledge that this is just a phase and that everything will work out, and that we'll see the real H come back to us before too much longer.

I wish I may, I wish I might...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

HMMMM...

The Grass, as has been implied,
may actually be greener on the other side.
but from a better life, it probably ain't,
I think instead, it's usually paint.
If proof of this will pull you through,
Ask someone else, "So, How are you?"
As you listen, it's often seen
The grass on YOUR side has turned more green!!!
THAT came after THIS conversation yesterday between a client and myself:
Me: So how are you today?
Her: Absolutely Wonderful, couldn't be better!!
Me:With politics and the economic crisis these days,
what could possibly have you feeling that good?
Her: I just found out that I got on the transplant list for
a new liver...
Me: Oh...
May God Bless us, every one!